Another Day Older

by The Fundamental Crudities

Another Day Older cover art
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about

Another Day Older is the first official release by The Fundamental Crudities, and consists of songs recorded between 2007 and 2011. It has no high concept, no deep meaning, and very little point - all to add to your listening pleasure.

credits

released 01 November 2011
N. Shephard - Drums on Track 19
S. Bell - Cover Art

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Track Name: Another Day Older
Thirteen tons of hot-cross buns
Burned and flattened by seven suns
Eat 'em too fast and you'll have the runs
Save a few for the guys with guns

Fourteen miles of cheerleader smiles
Painted on Mickey Mouse watch dials
Stick their photos on the cheer team files
Bring them to the war criminal trials

Fifteen pounds of coffee grounds
Loaded into mortar rounds
Fourth of July, we'll see how it sounds
Plenty of noise where love abounds
Track Name: Reality is Chic
How much of what you know that you know is so?
How do you know that you know that you know it?
Getting things straight is a long long row
And there aren't many willing and able to hoe it.
Better take a look before you leap;
Silence is golden, talk is cheap.
If you're the weatherman, is it such a pain
To peep out the window before you say it's raining...

What is the truth, the pilot said,
There in black and white as the plane flew over
Check more than your brains and use your head,
You can't count sheep fed on four leaf clover.

I'm not much for tact, do you know for a fact
That your figures are exact, or are you just fudging?
Do you think you'd be sacked if they knew it was an act?
Have you actually tracked the road you're trudging?
Better check the map before you start;
Fixing a booboo takes longer than art.
Talk's hot air and silence is gold,
Get out your specs while the map's unfolding...
Track Name: Andy's Song
I'm sitting on this bar-stool,
And trying not to fall.
I'm drinking something fairly strong –
Just what I don't recall.
I'm pretty sure you walked out,
I know that's agony;
But if I'm so unhappy missing you,
Then who's this kissing me?

I woke up here an hour ago -
I think I might be drunk.
The mirror says I'm whiskery
And I'm stinking like a skunk.
There's someone here beside me -
Just who I can't quite see.
I'm so unhappy missing you,
But who's this hugging me?

Did you leave me ‘cause I’m a drunk?
That’s what I’d like to know.
Or am I drinking ‘cause you left?
My mind’s a little slow.
The barman doesn’t know the answer,
Nor does Rosalie,
If that’s the right name for the girl
Who’s sitting next to me.

I think your name is Mary,
'Cause I have this weird tattoo.
I saw it in the washroom,
And it made we think of you.
I know I really love you,
So it's a mystery -
If I'm drinking ‘cause I'm missing you,
Who's snuggling up to me?

I'd get up and walk out of here
But I'm not sure I could stand.
I‘d have myself another drink
If I could lift my hand.
I wonder if she looks like you,
But it's too dark to see.
If I'm half crazy missing you,
How'd she get here by me?

It’d serve you right if I stayed all night
Or at least till closing time;
Of course, they might just kick me out,
‘Cause I just spent my last dime.
If I should ask her really nice
Would she help me turn my key?
She’ll never know I’m missing you
While she’s massaging me.

I'm not sure what you look like,
I don't know where you are.
Though I'd like to come and see you,
I can't make it to the car.
I'd tell this girl to go away,
And let go of my knee,
If I were sure you’re not the one
That's holding onto me.

Tomorrow I'll be sober,
Tomorrow she'll be gone.
Tomorrow I'll get over you,
And then I can carry on.
But tonight is not tomorrow, and
Three things are clear to me:
I'm fall-down drunk, I'm missing you,
And some girl's kissing me.
Track Name: Janus
Looking forward and behind
Try to keep an open mind
You never know what things may come
Try your best to look less dumb

Your muddy footprints never dry
Not until the day you die
In a moment you will see
What it's like not to be

The end is near, the front is close
Your recommended daily dose
of life and death, and all that rot -
It's time to go set up your cot

And that is all I have to say
We'll meet again another day
If time turns backwards once again
To turn the tables on mice and men.
Track Name: Problem
The problem with life isn't trouble and strife
But rather your eyes cutting through me like a knife
Sounds violent, I agree;
But that's how it is for me
I try not to worry about the things that you see

I know you don't care -
But I kind of wish you could
I know you don't mind -
But I rather wish you would

You can cut off your ear, but you will still hear
The sound of my voice going through you like a spear
These violent similes
Could bring me to my knees
But that's the way it goes, it's the fans I've gotta please

I know you don't care -
But I kind of wish you could
I know you don't mind -
But I rather wish you would
Track Name: Of Revenge and Human Stupidity
You're biting the bullet and beating up
that decaying horse in your head
You want revenge so bad you can taste it
and it tastes just like all great obsessions
He cheated you out of all of your greenbacks
and every red cent you owned
He misled you down the primrose path
paved with bad intentions

But that's all spilt milk under the bridge
If you can't take the heat, get out of the fridge
It's all spilt milk under the bridge

The green eyed monster has nipped you in
the bud and you nip him right back
You won't let a jealous rage
rob you of all your perceptions
You research all the possible methods of
bumping off your foe
You buy a bomb from the local dealer
but you somehow don't read the directions

But that's all spilt milk under the bridge
If you can't take the heat, get out of the fridge
It's all spilt milk under the bridge

You take the explosive and go and meet
your nemesis up on the hill
I had said it was foolish but you light the fuse
Ignoring all my suggestions
In a blinding flash of sound and fury
your weapon explodes then and there
you and your foe fly up into the sky
as I laugh and watch your ascensions.

It’s all spilt milk under the bridge
If you can't take the heat, get out of the fridge
It's all spilt milk under the bridge
Track Name: Superman's Horse
Superman’s horse wears hand me down shorts
And a grape colored cape;
All the mares go ape
And Superman’s horse has a flying mane,
Fast as a speeding passenger train,
Only we
Know his se
Cret identity

It’s Dobbin -
Not Robin –
The milkman’s horse from down Lois Lane,
He flies in disguise,
But the mayor is wise.

Superman’s horse got an A in school,
He did best on the test,
In a nightmare’s nest,
And Superman’s horse has a Kryptonite tail,
Swats the flies in Superman’s mail,
The ring tone
On his phone
Cuts me to the bone.

It’s Mi Do,
Not Si Do,
A black belt in what we on earth call Aikido,
The truth is the booth
Doesn’t fit – so uncouth.

Superman’s horse has a loathsome disease –
A wheeze with a sneeze
And his breath smells of cheese.
But Superman’s horse has infrared eyes,
Great for flying through foggy skies.
He stares
At the mares’
Bones through all the layers.

And he’s equine
Not divine,
Sometimes he catches a bit of a colt.
A bird – how absurd!
He’s a what’s the word.
Track Name: First Inferiorities
Crush your rich standing
Crush your imported lamps
Crush your inducing frame
And seal it up with stamps

Undetected Rune
Enigmatic Line
Through deflecting oddities
First inferiorities

Flame your glossy heed
Flame your blast technique
Flame your blazing durably
And sell it up the creek

Undetected Rune
Enigmatic Line
Through deflecting oddities
First inferiorities
Track Name: Termite
There's something deep inside my skull
Which I am gonna find
I'm positively sure that there's a
Termite in my mind

It's gnawing on my thoughts,
Leaving just sawdust behind
I need to do something about this
Termite in my mind

He's driving me towards a fate
To which I'm not resigned
Soon there will be nothing but that
Termite in my mind

I'm gonna call the Orkin man,
Though it may seem unkind
I really gotta ditch the stinking
Termite in my mind
Track Name: O Enlightened One
How do remain so calm, O Enlightened One?
How did you become so wise?
How do you stay so still, O Enlightened One?
How do you shut your eyes?

When did you see the light, O Enlightened One?
When did you find such peace?
Who would have thought it of you, O Enlightened One?
Will wonders never cease?

You want we should worship you, O Enlightened One?
Shall we bow on bended knee?
Who died and made you God, O Enlightened One?
You don't seem all that holy to me.
Track Name: The Nun's Such an Animal
I just ate a free lunch with a stiff-necked giraffe,
And I have a hunch that I made a great gaffe
When I told him the banana bunch tasted like chaff,
So in the middle of a munch he began to laugh...

He said the fare tasted fine to him,
And shot me a glare best described as grim.
He argued with care and debated with vim,
Then passed me a pear which I ate on a whim.

When at last the meal was done,
I walked away fast, and began to run.
It hadn't been a blast, not a bit of fun,
Dining with that low-classed son-of-a-gun.
Track Name: Yesterday's Breakfast
Typing on the keyboard
Running on the railroad tracks
Federal Reserve board
Coming at you with an axe

Jumping on a sandbag
Spinning on a tire-swing
Kick a smirking slease-bag
Strum and pluck the cosmic string

Sucking up the sunlight
Burning down city hall
Singing 'bout a nightlight
Dancing at the crystal ball

Hunting heinous hell-hounds
Swimming down the Anduin
Finding free bell sounds
Tell me where I should begin

Millions of morons
Fighting on a T.V. show
Smiling emoticons
Ask if you feel the flow
Track Name: Unknown Quantity
You've got so much hidden away
I really don't know what to say
I have sent in my best spies
But they can't penetrate your disguise

You're like a hologram to me
When I chip away I see
Nothing I didn't see before
It makes me wonder more and more

You've got an armor-plated HazMat suit
Or so it seems, the point is moot
Maybe someday I'll break through
But now I don't know what to make of you
Track Name: Pointed Shtick
There's no point to science
There's no way to know anything, so
I say with defiance,
There's no point to science

There's no point to politics
Your vote doesn't count the least amount,
it's all lies and tricks -
There's no point to politics

There's no point to mathematics,
It's so much theory it makes me weary
Numerical acrobatics;
There's no point to mathematics

There's no point to art
What a big waste of time, not worth a dime
I know in my heart
There's no point to art

There's no point to philosophy
Pretentious drivel, it's hard to be civil
It's plain to see
There's no point to philosophy

There's no point to existence
The present doesn't last long until it's passed
Why show resistance?
There's no point to existence

There's no point to this song
Track Name: SP
Some people figure I'm bone selfish and they say selfishness is wrong.
Other people say it's not just that, what drives me is simple greed.
But I know what I like and I know what I want and I know when my desires are strong,
And I'll take all I'm given and I'll give all I can take, but you know I have to get what I need.

I've heard it said I'm as lazy as they come, they say I don't carry my weight.
And I've been told I'm a workaholic, they say I need to get a life.
But I just try to do what a man's got to do and to keep my priorities straight,
And I finish what I can and don't start if I'm not able, minimizing trouble and strife.

Certain friends say I'm too straitlaced, always too neat and uptight.
Certain friends say that I've got no standards, living life a little too loose.
But I have to tell you it's important to me to stick to what I see as right,
And if we disagree I'd be happy to explain, if I thought it would be any use.

One man's meat is another man's craisin,
Certainly I get the point you're raisin',
But I can't quite see what I can do
To still be me and yet satisfy you.

You can fool some people all of the time but you can't always fool them all.
You can please one or two for an hour or so, but somebody's going to complain.
Friend, you have your own life to live, and how you play it is your call,
But I can't please you if it means leaving me and my needs standing out in the rain.
Track Name: Fel D 1
You open up the door
And walk over to the couch
You're in need of a rest
So you sit down and slouch
You begin to sneeze
Your eyes start turning red
You realize you're covered
In hairs your cat has shed

You knew you were allergic
But you were suckered in
By the Humane Society
To not adopt would be a sin
Your apartment doesn't take dogs
So you settled for a cat
Now you live in misery
Too bad you didn't think of that...
Track Name: That's Owl, Folks
I am an owl. I said I'm an owl.
An owl I've been and an owl I'll be,
An owl I am, that's all from me,
I'm an owl.

Don't say "Just an owl." Never say "Just an owl."
It's true that an owl's all I want to be,
But saying "just" ain't just to me,
I'm an owl.

I'm an owl, eyes open to see the light,
I watch by day, not just at night,
I'm secret and silent when I'm in flight,
But Athena knew enough to choose me.
Some people celebrate the eel,
But if I told you what I feel
You would see I don't need to bow or kneel
To fish who think they can use me.

You want to be an eel? I don't want to be an eel.
An eel's all wet and slick with slime,
Feeds on the bottom most of the time,
That's an eel.

Don't think I'm an eel. Don't bow, don't kneel.
I don't want to judge or supervise you,
I just want to do the things I do,
I'm no eel.

No eel, Noel, what a gift that would be,
An owl with no eels around is free,
I'm as good as you, you're no better than me,
We can all be owls together.
Some owls think that these eyes need specs,
They figure the figuring's too complex,
They've bought the hoax of the eel's big hex,
But I can't take that tether.

So hey, I'm an owl. You hear, I'm an owl.
I move real soft, eyes open wide,
I'll say it again, with a hint of pride,
I'm an owl.
Track Name: A Dethroned Royal
Sixteen grams
Of micro hams
Riding on lurching eastbound trams
Through fields where scores of whitefaced rams
Dream up original schemes and scams.

Seventeen yards
Of bearded bards
Fleeing from eager Savoyards
Apostrophize the Coldstream Guards,
Hoist upon their own petards.

Eighteen acres
Packed with Quakers
Most of them movers, though some are Shakers,
Fully prepared to meet their makers,
Plenty of offers but not many takers.

Nineteen rods
Of handcut sods,
Added to mounds of sodden wads,
Piled up for Rockers to throw at Mods,
Crabgrass would even up the odds.